Forgiving Momma

I pray that you each continue making the best choices and be not led by selfish desires but by God's will. At age 10 my father was killed with a single bullet. The man who took his life had just been at our home eating, laughing and talking with my mom and her friends. At age 13 my mom's boyfriend shot her 5 times. When we visited her in the hospital Meshun, who was probably 3 at the time, wouldn't let mom hold her because she didn't recognize her. Momma's jaws were wired because she was shot in the face. Her hair had to be cut off as well. Her face was swollen to where she could barely see. It took me a long time to process the fact that one bullet took my dad but my mom lived after being shot five times. After mom was released and began the healing process she allowed the person who shot her to move back in with us. This broke my heart and made me very angry. I didn't understand why she would bring the person who tried to kill her back into our home. Eventually, she realized he was always going to be a "two bit" hustler and put him out. He'd helped her spend the insurance money she received after my dad passed. I would rummage through momma's drawers looking at the numerous canceled checks she'd written him. I can honestly say that I felt a lot of anger and resentment because of her choices. It took years for me to finally forgive my mom. As I got older I realized that I'd selfishly held a grudge because she always took care of us. We never went without. I realized that as a woman she had the right to choose how she would live her life. Her choices made me stronger and better. I pray that the choices I've made, good/bad, influence you all to want a better life, a more productive life, a more successful life.