You're Grown

Good morning family. Worked from home yesterday. Enjoyed the peace and quiet and the fact that I didn't have to be out in the rain. Praying for peace and that everyone have a glorious Thanksgiving feast. If you're like me, you have internal struggles. You know those times when you're really not operating in faith, when your heart is somewhere else, when that stubborn side of you kicks in, when you want to shout people down. My internal struggles, all of them. My internal struggles come with lack of obedience and I know I'm not alone because I interact with a lot of people who know what the word of God says. Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging, I'm just saying. To repair internal struggles and to become more obedient, we first have to confess, own our shortcomings and realize that change is needed. One of the greatest struggles I had was learning to forgive my mother for "her" life choices. Learning to forgive her for something she didn't know she needed forgiving for. I had to confess to her that I often wondered what life would have been like had my father lived instead of her. Once I shared this with her and my reasons why, our relationship was better. I felt a release and I think she did to. I also felt convicted because I'd held her accountable for my "adult" transition. Like she was responsible for all my bad decisions. After our conversation I realized that all the things I had been mad about were nothing in comparison to all the "good" things she represented in my life. My mom was a strong-willed beautiful woman. She had a spirit that shined brighter than anyone I ever met. She commanded attention and wasn't afraid to speak her mind. The most important memory is her love for God. I share this to remind all the adults in my life that no-one is responsible for your happiness but you. I understand that childhood trauma/drama is real but I also understand that what we're exposed to is meant to make us better/stronger/happier. Our exposure should not be used as an excuse to live like "hell" on earth. My heart spills over with love when I think about my mom, oh how I wish she were still here. As the holidays approach begin to release, begin to confess and most of all begin to walk in thankful praise for everything, the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. Thankful for a merciful God who has kept me. TeamYou'reGrown. Bblessedloveyou.